Although I love being pregnant, the first trimester of pregnancy is always a little tricky. I'm always eager for those signs that show the world that something is really going on in there. Also, my personality is one where It's really easy for me to hold back emotion and I feel like I've been doing that this time around more than normal. Honestly I think I've heard story after story of pregnancy loss or newborn deaths and the reality of the fact that things don't always turn out the way that you want them to is staring me in the face. So I admit, I've been holding back a bit. That combined with a busy lifestyle and the unknowns of Malik have just left me feeling.....weird. I just keep moving and hoping that another week passes quickly. Another week to check off and get me on to the next. I know, however, that that's not how it's meant to be.
Even as I type this I am reminded of the scripture that says, "This is the day that the Lord has made, we should rejoice and be glad in it." It's probably one of the first verses that I memorized as a child because I can remember my dad saying it all the time. (Thanks Dad!) My challenge right now is to stay in each day, to be thankful for the nausea and other pregnancy unmentionables that are going on. They serve as reminders to me that today I am carrying a little miracle inside of me and what a gift that is.
Please pray along with me that I can celebrate each day and put the rest in God's hands.