Stick with me this is a long one.....
On Sunday afternoon my friend Joy and I attempted to make it to Target for a toaster oven while our guys enjoyed a game together. Soon into our trip Ellison started to look really bad. So Joy and I packed the kids back into the car after 10 full minutes of shopping and headed home.
That night Ellison was up in the night feeling terrible. On Monday I stayed home from work to care for her. She was pretty much lethargic but I figured it was a virus. Monday night, no sleep again! Poor Ian had to get up at like 5:30 to leave for a trip so I know he was exhausted. Since he was going out of town, I had to strap on my boots and "get her done." So I kept Ellison at home on Tuesday. Soon into the morning she seemed that she was ok and I was just complying with the 24 hour rule of preschool. She went in to work with me for a little bit and then we had lunch together. Mexican our favorite! After lunch she went downhill once again. My young moms group meets every other Tuesday and I thought I'm really going to have to miss now. After laying down for a nap she woke up with a high temp and vomiting again and I decided to take her to the doctor. This meant me and 2 kids in the rain going to the doctor. I was not so happy! They tested her for strep and the flu and concluded that "it's just a virus. If she is still sick on Thursday bring her back in and we'll do some more testing" they say. I should have said "can you just do it now becasue I don't have 60 dollars to give to you guys in one week." I mean didn't they know I'd had to miss work!!
So on Wednesday she seemed pretty much normal. We even had a friend over to play. She had some moments in the afternoon but I just figured she was sleepy. Last night was small group and I was so pumped to go and have some adult interaction. Mind you the last adult that I talked to was on Monday evening so by Wednesday evening I was ready!! I get a call from the sitter about an hour into our group that she had thrown up and I rushed home. It seemed though that her coughing had caused it more than anything else. She was not running a fever and was smiling when I walked in the door. So I was determined that I was going to work and the kids to school today! HA....it was another eventful night with not a lot of sleep. She coughed for like 2.5 hours straight and then Jude woke up from a storm so I rocked him and helped him get back to sleep. When I was done with that I set up the humidifier for Ellison who was in our room and I slept on the couch. So I had about 4 hours of very interrupted sleep last night. Can you say TIRED!!
Ok now for the confession. Moms out there, have you had one of those moments when you wake up and get everything all ready for something you're looking forward to only to see a symptom in your child that may mean they are sick? You keep moving along trying to convince yourself and your child that they aren't sick but in the back of your mind you know they are? This morning was that way for me. She had no appetite and was very whinny. I was determined, however, to go to work and have 4 hours of time for something that I enjoy. I even had a lunch date planned with a friend...BONUS. There was no way we were staying home. I felt her head.....it was warm. I thought maybe it's because she was under a blanket. Finally I got out the thermometer and sure enough she had a temp. I wish I could say that I didn't think of myself at all when I realized that Ellison was not feeling well again which meant another day at home. I wanted to scream NO!!! In fact I went in the bathroom and said "God... really. I'm tired. I need to go to work. I want to go to work. Why is this happening." So I texted hubbie and Joy and asked them to pray that I not be overwhelmed with feelings of selfishness. I wanted God to give me empathy and mercy for this little one. I HATE that sin and struggle with it all the time.
After about an hour I started to feel a lot better and regained some perspective. I so wish that the reaction time and the correct response could come closer together. Not just in this situation but in every situation. Although this has been an incredibly hard week (and I mean the kind of hard where when Ian gets home tonight I wish I could say see ya for a day or so and head to the Hilton) God has been right here with me. Don't get me wrong, I have been upset (did you see the last paragraph) and I've even cried..a few times... but in spite of that He encouraged me in a number of ways. First through a wonderful letter that the leader of my young moms group sent out that basically mirrored my week, He encouraged me by letting me have an hour with my small group making Easter baskets, He encouraged me through the prayers of those who love me. I've also been preparing my answers to some theological questions this week which has required me to be in the Bible at any moment I could get. Last night I answered the question about the Holy Spirit and doing the research for that question was such an encouragement. We are not alone!! The Comforter is with us and He is ever present when we need Him!! WOW!!
All in all I've survived and the bonus is that I got lots of time in with my girl. I never get to have her one on one and although most of the time has been spent waiting on her and serving her needs there have been moments of joy in the midst of it too. Now I need to go take care of a little boy who is splashing in my cup of water that he stole off the table :-).
If you've made it this far, you really love me :-). I just needed to talk thanks for listening.